Funny Status Ideas

There's a nasty rumor going around that I start rumors.

Sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake, knows if you've been bad or good, so set your personal Facebook info to "private".

I don't think that we should let kids listen to symphonies. There's too much Sax and Violins nowadays.

If you’re in a silent treatment battle, it’s always a good idea to make sure there’s enough toilet paper before you use the bathroom.

I'd start watching the news, but I feel like I'd be lost if I didn't begin with episode 1.

If I wake up naturally and birds are chirping outside, I love it. When I wake up because of birds chirping, I wish I had a gun.

Some days you just have to say "screw it, I'm busting out the cookie dough."