Funny Status Ideas

We should be able to text 911, in case were hiding from a serial killer & don't want them to hear us.

When I think about how much time I've spent on Facebook, I wonder how many miles I've scrolled on my mouse wheel.

If you're not supposed to talk to strangers, how are you supposed to make friends?

When accountants go insane, do they start to hear invoices?

Facebook is like a bar stool. You kill more brain cells the longer that you are on it.

I've been dating a homeless woman recently, and I think it's getting serious. She asked me to move out with her.

I spend 40 hours a week in the friend zone, therefore I'm entitled to benefits!