Funny Status Ideas

I'm all for saving the world, just not necessarily the people.

Kid birthday parties should just be called get your child sick gatherings.

Somebody needs to tell the people who make Lucky Charms to stop putting cereal in my box of marshmallows.

Yes. There is a hole in my sock. If there wasn't, how would I put my foot in it?

I can hear the pitter patter of little feet in your future. You're going to make a great cat lady.

Dear girls who say they want to date a vampire, AIDS is spread through blood too. Sincerely, maybe you should reconsider...

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice