Funny Status Ideas

When you tell someone that they're extraordinary, does it mean that they're extra ordinary? Kind of like saying: You're really mediocre!

Silly phone, that wasn't a "missed" call. That was a "looked and saw who it was and pressed ignore" call.

An avalanche happens when all hill breaks loose.

I’m still not convinced that Spotify wasn’t originally the working title of a tampon commercial.

It isn't that I'm not a people person, I'm just not a stupid people person.

"It's like sending mean-spirited telegraphs to thousands of strangers." (How I explain Twitter to old people.)

A pessimist is merely someone who recognizes that every silver lining is attached to a cloud.