Funny Status Ideas

¡ʇɥbıɹןɐ buıʞɹoʍ sı buıɥʇnɹǝʌǝ 'ʎɹɹoʍ ʇ,uop ˙ɹooןɟ ǝɥʇ uo doʇdɐן ʎɯ pǝddoɹp ı

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.

He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

Some girls are tan and others look like they went face first into a bag of Cheetos.

"Kiss me," she said, "kiss me like you've never kissed me before." So I stuck my tongue in her nostril.

Didn't get much sleep last night, so this morning I put Red Bull in my coffee maker instead of water. Now I can see noises.

When I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they’re panicked over who’s getting cut from the team.