Funny Status Ideas

Men are like parking spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

I'm aging like a fine wine that someone left uncorked.

TSA agents should have to remove an article of their own clothing every time they don't find anything during a strip search.

Alcohol doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean...against walls, doors, tables, and complete strangers

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Believe in reincarnation? When you die, don't put RIP on your gravestone, put BRB.

I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school.