Funny Status Ideas

Did you hear about the paranoid dyslexic? He thought he was following someone.

The secret of our marriage is chemistry. She's on Valium and I'm on Prozac.

My life has a superb cast... I just can't figure out the plot.

What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario there was an idiot who didn't take it out in time.

The sick bastard who put the ‘D’ in Wednesday must be the same genius who put the ‘R’ in February.

What's with all the excessive tanning on Jersey Shore? If I wanted to see talking carrots, I'd watch Veggie Tales.

Tangled earbuds are the new rubik's cube.