Funny Status Ideas

We have smart phones and smart cars. Can we start working on making more smart people now?

The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.

Will you be my "it's complicated" on Facebook?

Disney World is a lot like Viagra. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

I always seem to lose things when I get drunk. Like my dignity...

If at first you don't succeed, try again may be good advice, but trust me, the judge doesn't want to hear it.

I have to use sarcasm because punching you in the face is illegal.