Funny Status Ideas

How come the only normal people are the ones I don't know very well?

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me.. 12 hoes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a weirdo who wont stop inboxing meeeee...

Wisdom doesn't always come with age. Sometimes age just shows up by itself.

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that it’s my cellphone.

My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.

Bad: Waking up and finding a penis drawn on your face. Worse: It was traced.

Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.