Funny Status Ideas

Don't you hate when you step in gum? You always look like a guy with a prosthetic leg trying to do the moonwalk.

When I'm on my death bed, I want my final words to be "I left one million dollars in the..."

Trying to lose weight during the holidays is like trying to stay dry while swimming.

Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?

I bet Jesus gets sick of the amount of wall post alerts he gets on Christmas.

How did people write research papers before Wikipedia?

Facebook makes you hate people you already know and Twitter makes you love people you've never met.