Funny Status Ideas

If you could hear people's thoughts, the gym would sound like angry kindergarten: lots of people straining hard to count to a relatively low number.

If you lawyer has a cowboy hat or a pony tail, you're going to jail.

#1 dad mugs must become really controversial in a same sex marriage.

Round pizzas get delivered in square boxes and then eaten in triangles

At the age of 92 we discovered two lumps in grandma's breast, we were so relieved the doctors discovered it was just her knees.

The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I'm all alone in a abandoned hospital and my flash-light isn't working properly.

The Bachelor is the show that answers the question "How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he'd make a good husband?"