Funny Status Ideas

Where does the road paved with bad intentions go?

I disagree with Folgers. The best part of waking up is that you didn't die in your sleep.

People with "KEEP OUT" signs in their yard grossly overestimate our desire to come visit them.

CNN had a story covering the world's richest animals. They can probably get rid of the middle N in their name now.

My parents told me: "You've got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!" so I turned on the subtitles.

If a telemarketer calls, give the phone to your 3 year-old and tell them it's Santa.

Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it's not their own.