Funny Status Ideas

The best person for a job is generally the one that understands it enough to not want it.

I hope to be just famous enough to one day have two people I've never met debate whether I'm alive or dead.

Deleting cookies from my browser history is fine but I'd rather delete cookies from my eating history.

I feel like the last 15 minutes of a football game is counted down in dog years.

I think this is the year that Santa will finally replace Rudolph with a Tom Tom.

Last night, my kids saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. That’s the last time we go to that mall.

I don't really "wrap" presents. I just kind of smother them with paper and tape until they stop resisting.