Funny Status Ideas

I've got something up my sleeves. Arms.

The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me.

I hope my New Year's Resolution to only say nice things about people isn't misinterpreted as a vow of silence.

Is it too soon to give up on my New Year's Resolution?

Don't think of it as a flu shot. Think of it as installing virus protection software.

Why do we say the alarm went off when, in fact, it went on?

They're eating scorpions on Fear Factor. If they pass this round it's onto my mom's fruit cake.