Funny Status Ideas

Scientists who want to discover faster than light travel should study cats when they hear the sound of a can opener.

I've been meaning to buy more post-it notes, but I can't think of a way to remind myself...

Most of being a dad is just remembering to say “hustle” instead of “hurry.”

‪I need a tax person who’s not afraid of prison. ‬

Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.

Remember the episode when Aunt Becky and Uncle Jesse were involved in a pre-school admissions scandal? I guess life does imitate art.

Ironically, abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.