Funny Status Ideas

My kid asked me today when her boobs would come in. I told her with her genes it'll be when she has $5000.

I'm not stealing my neighbor's WiFi, their WiFi is trespassing into my house.

Anyone else really happy that the headline so far tonight is "Santorum in tight three-way"?

All the political and media people are in Iowa. If we could somehow fence it off, this is our chance to start a new society.

Mornings probably wouldn't be so bad if they didn't always catch me in the middle of a dead sleep.

1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. You're welcome.

The spork needs to be available in silverware form.