Funny Status Ideas

I get in trouble because there are only two kinds of secrets, those that aren't worth keeping and those that are too good to keep.

Hard to go on living when I realize Snooki met my life goals of losing weight and becoming a best selling author before I did.

You are not Pinocchio, lying isn't going to make it bigger.

When I die, I want someone to keep updating my Facebook status to freak people out.

Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.

Living in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad, I fear for the future.

Proofreading is seeing what the alcohol content is.