Funny Status Ideas

Wanna know if you're poor? Check the drawers in the kitchen. If you find a ketchup packet you're poor.

I make my own luck. It's mostly bad but still.

Jehovah's witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought Girl Scout cookies.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

You can't expect me to stick to my resolution to give up booze. I was drunk when I made it.

If I didn't have to pee, I'd probably never get out of bed.

When someone asks me if I "have a sec" I always respond with "I have a lot of secs"