Funny Status Ideas

I don't think I will ever reach an age where I can use a stud finder and not point it at myself and say "found one!"

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world wearing cool eye-patches.

Isn't saying this issue is "the sex issue" a little redundant, Cosmo?

We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

You know you're getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.

Today, I'm going to give it my some.

Marriage is saying "let me slip into something a bit more comfortable," and returning wearing sweatpants and a hoodie.