Funny Status Ideas

Spanish class taught me just enough to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

As a kid I was less concerned about Goldilock's safety than I was about Mama and Papa bear not sleeping in the same bed anymore.

My new voicemail: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you!

Buy a chameleon. Put it on a mirror. See what color it turns.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but my boss is determined to keep trying.

Puns are like farts. Secretly, we all love the really bad ones.