Funny Status Ideas

Some things are best kept between you and the neighbors. Like a fence, for example.

I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to screw that one up?

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Men are a bit like spiders. They are bound to have sticky hands after being on the web.

Pixar created a better love story in 8 minutes in the movie Up, than Twilight did in 4 books.

It's not called stalking it's called observing. Oh and by the way your almost out of shampoo.

I hate when I yell stuff at the TV and they don't listen to the stuff I say.