Funny Status Ideas

my new boyfriend calls me a stalker. Well he's not actually my boyfriend.... YET

We have ways of making you talk. What we really need is a way to make you shut up.

Is it just me or are there way more handicapped parking spaces than handicapped drivers?

Animal crackers just don't taste right if you don't start by biting their heads off first.

Thanks for the e-vite. Now I can prepare an excuse for missing your terrible party instead of coming up with one on the spot.

Slugs are just homeless snails.

I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.