Funny Status Ideas

My wife always asks if "it's safe to go in there" after a bathroom trip like there's a pack of rabid hyena's loose in our apartment.

I don't have health insurance, but I do have car insurance. So whenever I get sick I just go crash my car into a tree.

My nephew told me that a girl was yelling at him and he didn't even know what he did. Imagine, at 7, he is so ready to get married.

The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It's about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.

Commenting on your own status is the Facebook equivalent of talking to yourself.

If you quit Facebook, don't be pissed when I forget your birthday.

Sex is like high school .. you miss a period & you're in trouble.