Funny Status Ideas

Is horsepower really still the best measure we have for how good cars are?

They said the world is going to end this year... Pssh They can barely predict the weather.

If Crunch Berries aren't considered fresh fruit I don't think this diet is going to work out.

How popular do I have to get before attempts on my life are considered "assassination attempts" rather than just attempted murder?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Vodka costs less than a dinner for two.

If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.

I don't know what's more depressing, a sign twirler who's lazy or a sign twirler who's really into it.