Funny Status Ideas

I'm secretly recording all of my classes this week and I'm going to sell them on Etsy as a natural sleep aid.

Energy saving light bulbs are great for when you want to turn on the lights but continue standing in the dark a few more minutes.

My chiropractor said I needed a posture alignment but I think she was just pulling my leg.

I don't care who let the cat out of the bag. I'd like to know who got a cat INTO a bag, ever.

Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

I can see my breath today. Which means it's either cold out here or I need a better mouthwash.

I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am.