Funny Status Ideas

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships do.

I just read a list of '100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them

People say I'm crazy, I feel like I'm just a fruit loop in a world full of cheerios.

George Washington could not tell a lie, and thus would be an abject failure in politics today.

If we really wanted to slow down Iran's nuclear scientists we'd introduce them to Angry Birds.

Now that the government covers the cost of contraceptives, I wonder if they'll foot the bill for dinner and a movie too.

It’s scary to think nothing can kill that 0.01% germ.