Funny Status Ideas

Wait, what if I'm allergic to Kleenex?

I’m pretty sure if dogs could talk their most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?”

Feeling pretty clever that I made my emergency contact "911"

"Talk to the hands!" - Deaf People

I got arrested today for feeding some homeless guys on the street, and to top it all off, the cops broke my potato gun.

I'm training my inner voice to sound like Morgan Freeman.

My life is like 1 ply toilet paper. I get the job done, but I have no idea how