Funny Status Ideas

I'm not at a Home Depot but I'm surrounded by a bunch of complete tools right now.

The tongue weighs practically nothing, but only a few people can hold it.

You say cannibal, I say people person.

I put the "HA! Penis!" in "happiness."

Just scratched my crotch while trying to swat a fly and four people told me I was a good dancer.

No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.

If you pronounce the first letter of an ethnicity like eye-talian, and aye-rab, there’s a good chance you’re eye-gnorant