Funny Status Ideas

My wife has given up sex for Lent. Now I know the true meaning of Palm Sunday...

Just saw "The Lorax." Weird how they got Snooki to grow a moustache!

It's nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he's getting hit by a train.

Dear sneeze if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't just put a stupid look on my face and leave.

"What do we want?!" "TIME TRAVEL!" "When do we want it?!" "IRRELEVANT!"

People say 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn't agree.

GOOD: Getting a 'thinking of you' card in the mail. BAD: The card is from the IRS.