Funny Status Ideas

"Family owned and operated" makes a monarchy sound a lot friendlier.

It sucks getting old. The only haircut I need now is in my nose and ears.

It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back. It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..

Many superheroes wear a cape, but Dr. Strange's cape wears a superhero.

Dogs would try harder to not get hair everywhere, if they knew they were they reason for the vacuum being used.

Expensive paintings are basically just trading cards for the rich.

Russians are training whales to be spies and I'm still trying to conquer training my kids to change the toilet paper roll.