Funny Status Ideas

I look at people sometimes and think..for real? That's the sperm that won?

Common sense is like deodorant... The people who need it most never use it.

Moms, you can't live with them and you can't be alive without them.

Dear Dora, How the hell do your get your shirt over your head. Sincerely, Physically impossible

I'm going to buy you a condom for your head, because if you're going to act like one. You might as well dress like one.

Found a cigarette butt next to the mousetrap on my patio. Like he sat there and thought about it.

Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop being so homophobic.