Funny Status Ideas

Give me liberty, or give me death! Preferably liberty, though. Death sounds kinda scary.

A paper cut is a tree's last revenge.

When you ex says "You'll never find someone like me again", reply "I sure hope not..."

Saying "beer can" with a British accent sounds like "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.

When I see a reality show, I can't decide which sucks more. Reality or the show.

Apparently when my wife said she wanted me to warm her up in bed, she didn't mean "Dutch Oven". Hello couch.

Lazy is a strong word. I prefer to say that the stars are reaching for me.