Funny Status Ideas

Smother your wife with love and affection. If that doesn't work, use a pillow.

WebMD is the perfect website if you want to find out you have 14 different types of cancer and possibly other deadly diseases.

Why do my kids think me answering an important phone call is code for “start screaming”?

I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It’s way too little to go by itself.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

I don't know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...

Maybe if they turned the economy off and then turned it back on it might run better. Works for my computer...