Funny Status Ideas

When I die, I want to be buried with some random animal bone just to confuse future archaeologists.

Adam didn't take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship

Lebron James dislocated his ring finger. It's not like he was using it anyways...

My wife's phone's space button is broken and she text me phonebrokenIwantanalternate I'm excited, but what is a ternate?

Some jerk parked in front of my driveway last night. So I decided to leave him a note. I didn't have a pen, so I had to use my key

Beware of websites and women that ask you to continue unprotected.

I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots. People get out of my way a lot faster now.