Funny Status Ideas

You say my friends are immature, I say my friends are fun people.

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.

Technology needs to hurry up, so I can unsubscribe to people in real life.

You know I never gave a second thought about the Mayan calendar being correct about the end of the world, but since Dick Clark died who the hell is going to host Rockin' New Years Eve?

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

"When the hell did i say all that?" -Simon

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too surprised.