Funny Status Ideas

Excuse me, here's your nose. I found it in my business.

Old people talk into cell phones like they hit the Caps Lock key on their voice.

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.

Santa is the only one who can say that he's watching you without sounding like a stalker.

Don't ask me what I'm going to order at dinner. I won't know until I know what you're having.

When I have kids I am going to show them the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that.

The one who laughs last, simply didn't get it.