Funny Status Ideas

Uranus is a gas planet.

I tried to share a meal with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night. He told me to get lost and buy my own.

Mummies are just gift wrapped zombies.

Dear Curiosity, Just put the gun down and let's talk this out. Sincerely, The Cat.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for -- in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

A video of humans having sex is pornography. A video of animals having sex is a documentary.