Funny Status Ideas

I have a friend who is a Jehovah's Witness. He tried to tell me a knock knock joke and got all pissed off when I ignored him.

If you like to have sex while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.

The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

I was going to leave my body to science but science is already contesting the will and I'm not even dead yet.

A man came knocking on the door the other day asking for donations to the Old Folks Home. So I gave him my grandmother.

My wife looked at me out in the yard and said “I didn’t know you could Moon Walk.” I said “I can’t. I’m trying to get the dog poop off my shoes.”

A Prius tried to race me from a stop sign the other day. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.