Funny Status Ideas

The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind you.

Texting + Facebook = Textbook.. so I'm studying right?

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

Lead me not into temptation. Just follow me; I know a shortcut.

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at once.

One thing that I have noticed about conspiracy theories is that they all depend on the government perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find that government perpetrators are endlessly stupid.