Funny Status Ideas

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another beer.

You’re just as useful as a red light on Grand Theft Auto

Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" is a fancy way of saying "You look hot!"

The other day I caught her snorting sweet n low... somebody told her it was diet coke

I think the most time consuming part of taking the dog for a walk is cleaning his poop off the treadmill.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.