Funny Status Ideas

When snorting Coke, be careful. It is extremely difficult to get an ice cube out of a nose.

Currently experiencing a willpower outage

Guys, after a certain length they're no longer shorts. They're capris. You are wearing capris.

When Simba is singing how he can't wait to be king, he's singing how he can't wait for his father to die.

My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I'm Pregnant!"

Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do.