Funny Status Ideas

I would switch cell-phone providers if one had an "unsend my drunk text" option.

My wife is going to get a big surprise when she tries to sleep in tomorrow. I superglued a thumbtack to the snooze button.

Whoever said “Procrastination doesn’t pay” CLEARLY has never seen my average day at work.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make! Then they call me ugly and poor...

I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kind of like my toaster.

I have come to the conclusion, that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all of my missing socks.

Face your problems, don't FACEBOOK your problems.