Funny Status Ideas

Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.

Ten years from now, one of the hardest challenges our kids will face will be finding a username that's still available.

The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever.

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

I like it when I buy a bag of air, and the company is nice enough to put some chips in it.

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it's closed.

My wife and I got one of those board games for couples to spice things up. It quickly turned into a game of Sorry which led to me playing a game of Uno.