Funny Status Ideas

At this point I believe politicians about as much as the letters column in Penthouse magazine.

If you get too close to radiation in a comic book, you become Spiderman, if you get too close to it in real life, you get visited by Spiderman.

Hard shell tacos survive the factory, delivery trucks and the store but break as soon as you put something inside them.

If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.

There are people out there whose job is to stab trees and boil their blood into breakfast gravy.

Divorce (di·vorc·e; noun) The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

If you see me jogging, please kill whatever the hell is chasing me.