Funny Status Ideas

I've noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I'm getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime

The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.

If "you break it, you buy it" and an underage shopper breaks a bottle of wine, are they allowed to pay for it?

Remember: Butt Dial and Booty Call are two entirely different things.

How come when you get your wife or girlfriend pregnant everyone rubs her belly and says "Congratulations!" but no one ever rubs your junk and says "Good job!"?

Peter Parker was lucky that radioactive spider bit his hand and not his ass or he'd have shot out a web every time he farted.

Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kris Humphries was even shorter than the line of Trick-or-Treaters at Casey Anthony's house!