Funny Status Ideas

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

Being a father is a lot like being the least powerful Vice President in history.

Hats off to Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith, and that alcoholic crop duster for saving the world 16 years ago today - thanks guys!

I'm writing this from the hospital. Don't worry! The doctors say I'm going to be ok, but I must warn you. They Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!

Its funny how head and shoulders becomes head, shoulders, knees and toes, when I run out of body wash.

I don't trip, I do random gravity checks.

Apparently, zoo keepers don't appreciate it when you try to feed marbles to the hippos!