Funny Status Ideas

Thunder sounds like highly constipated clouds.

Hey guys! I live in a soundproof house with no doors or windows and I'd just like to thank all 900 of you for your status updates telling me there's a storm outside because I wouldn't have known otherwise and I like to keep in touch with the world. Thank you very much!

My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.

You know what they say about big feet: clown.

When you really want to slap someone, do it and yell "Mosquito!"

Playing the Canadian version of Angry Birds. It's called: Sorry-for-the Misunderstanding Birds.

Facebook is like prison. You write on walls all day and get poked by people you don't know.