Funny Status Ideas

Does anyone have a Volkswagen Beetle? Could I borrow it for an afternoon to drive around and count how many people I see punch one another?

If the chemical symbol for water is H2O... is the chemical symbol for holy water H2Omg?

The Lord moves in mysterious ways, but you don't have to. Use your turn signal!

Alcohol is like a potion with +5 charisma and -2 dexterity that you can only buy if you're above a certain level.

Ducks are pretty much just all-terrain chickens.

‪Cable guy was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it was between 8 am and 1 pm‬

If I died and went straight to Hell. It would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work.