Funny Status Ideas

When is it bad luck to have a black cat BEHIND you? When you're a mouse.

To the woman in I saw in Walmart with the 7 screaming kids, if your wondering how that box of condoms got into your shopping cart "You're welcome."

A cop pulled me over and said "Papers" so I responded "Scissors I win!" and drove off.

YOLO is just Carpe Diem for stupid people.

The last day of the olympics should be all the gold medalists playing dodgeball until we have one ultimate champion.

I'm not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I'm simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

Men go through 3 stages in life: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.