Funny Status Ideas

What'sthislongbaronthekeyboardfor?

Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got 6 months!

I went to the doctors today because every time I drink tea or coffee I get this terrible stabbing pain in my eyes. He advised me to try removing the spoon from the cup.

1. Open fridge. Nothing to eat. 2. Open cabinets. Nothing to eat. 3. Lower standards and repeat.

If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.

I had a threesome last night. A couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.

I think my iPhone is broken. I keep pressing the home button but I'm still at work!